The struggle is real (Calories V. Gym)

October 23, 2018

 I honestly wanted to write a heart moving text today. But the world had a different plan for me (and you guys), so the answer to the question am I in fact about to write what I meant is - no                  

Why? I'm glad you asked. (You did ask, right?
Well, after a long day filled with too many unnecessarily calories, I decided to take out the energy (and fat) in a fitness workout. Yes, you heard me.

However, my only fitness in the last three weeks was long-distance chewing because of vacations and holidays made from my kids' food scraps, also known as - "no, don’t throw that away.”
At the end- I arrived at my fitness class.
HOWEVER, there was a new instructor (female) waiting for me in the studio, whom I did not know, therefore I hated her already. I hated her even more after the music started playing and she shook her perfect behind aged nineteen and three months old. Her graceful movements made me feel ... how should I put it?

Very jealous. Yes. (Thanks for helping).

In any case, I spent the first half of the lesson cursing quietly and looking steadily at the clock, which did not move even one minute for a half an hour.
A second before I ran out of air and asked to call an ambulance, the charming instructor changed the music and began to teach us a very complicated dance combination in the midst of intensive movement or as I like to call it – she killed us’ that bitch.

Now, imagine her dynamically shouting the following instructions and me answering her breathless, fainting, in the front row.

- Higher!
- (Die!)
- stronger!
- (please just die!)
- again!!!!
- (....)
- again!!!!!
- (....)
- again!!!!!
- Cardiac Arrest.

So, dear audience, what I wanted to say is that no matter how successful you are and what impressive achievements you will have, you will forever want what you will never have again (and if you still have, please go far far away from me) I am of course referring to the flat stomach of the instructor .
So, true I have a five pound (ten actually) that I have to lose
Also, I have a small wrinkle (ten) that I did not have ten years ago
And it's true that I have clothes from my youth (my entire closet) that no longer suits me
So maybe I'm going to stores and still ask for xs even though it won't fit
However, in my mind at least I'm still the nineteen and three months old girl with a perfect figure and no stretch marks, and now that I've been discharged from the hospital after this workout I can sit here with my double fudge ice cream and write.

So to you, dear – way too young to scream at me, instructor, I wanted to say.

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